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The Unknown Child: Part 1
Title palang, it is what it is and here goes nothing.
It’s been awhile since I left Baguio, 6 years and 7 months to be exact.
Baguio was a place I was supposed to study at in hopes of a better future. With no relatives there or no knowledge of the culture or the place, I pushed through it kase dream ko rin ang tumira sa lugar na malamig. And as I started living independently, I realized how Baguio is such a laid back place and a cool city.
I started mingling with people from different places and eventually met a guy (Igorot po siya). He was charming, not romantic, not sweet either pero mabait, gwapo, matalino, masipag at makikita mo sakanya na marunong siya sa buhay. We became a couple for a year until he decided to bring me along in one of their family gathering stating it was high time to introduce me. Andun yung kaba, yung takot na "pano pag ayaw nila ng hindi igorot?" and what not but I brushed all the negative thoughts away from my mind. I agreed.
The day came for the said occasion and his relatives were present too. May kaya sila sa buhay, mga edukado pero simple kung tignan which is expected because I learned through experience how humble they are no matter the status and they welcomed me with open arms and although I did not understand their dialect I could see my then boyfriend smirk, laugh and sometimes found him a bit offended but I kept mum and didn’t ask him to translate any of it.
Then they asked typical questions of "taga saan ka?", why choose Baguio and what not and I happily answered although I was a bit nervous. Eventually, I excused myself kase ihing ihi na ako at sa paglabas ko ng banyo, ng hindi sinasadya, I heard a conversation of her mom and one of her aunt, "Adja'k layden kn si sha." I did not understand the entire conversation but somehow this line was ringing in my head and I heard them say my name so I decided to ask my boyfriend what it meant later on.
The day went by and I felt it went okay for me although they tried to entertain me as a guest, I still felt out of place because I didn’t understand the words. When my boyfriend dropped me off my boarding house, I asked him what the line meant, and he asked who said it, I told him I heard it from his mom. He didn’t answer the question but said it’s nothing and I didn’t pry thinking it was probably unrelated to me although I heard her aunt say my name in their conversation.
Fast forward to a few months after that occasion I noticed how he started to avoid me, yung tipong mababaliw ka kakaisip what you did wrong and so many times I tried to have a word with him kaso laging my rason kung bakit di sya pwede. I cornered him one day at school after one of his classes to get the answers and end my misery.
We went to the post office, dun niya sinabi na ayaw na niya, walang dahilan, basta ayaw na niya and yes he broke up with me kahit anong pilit ko, hindi niya maibigay yung rason at tinanggap ko yun. I did not let that interfere with my studies, I pushed through even with a broken heart and one day, just less than 2 weeks when we broke up I saw him with another girl and his mom. Then came along a friend who happens to be an igorot like him and told me who she was kase kaklase niya si girl, and then, I asked her since she was from the mountain province as well and seeing my then ex boyfriends mom reminded me of what that line meant, dun ko nalaman na ang ibig sabihin pala nun ay ayaw nila sakin para sakanya. Masakit pakinggan kase wala naman akong ginawang masama.
I took that as one of the reasons he probably broke up with me and I had to accept it. I did until I found out I was pregnant and that was my crush and burn moment.
Without saying a word to anyone, I went back home to my family and confessed before it was too late. My parents were of course heart broken. Mad. Resentful. Worried. Sad. And everything in between but they held me with support, they didn’t ask who the father was as I told them we had broken up and he didn’t know about it yet. They didn’t pry. I collapsed on that evening and woke up at the hospital hearing the doctor tell my parents my pregnancy wasn’t going well. Mahina ang kapit ng bata, underweight ako, kulang sa sustansya, under a lot of stress and I needed bed rest. Inuwi nila ako and automatically as things were going bad, they had to unofficially drop me sa school and I told one of my friends I’m okay just so they won’t worry.
My parents asked me if I had a plan to tell my ex about it but I didn’t say a word and they took that as a no. As a family, we decided we will get through it together.
And I’m thankful for the support system I had from them. They decided to bring me away from our place, away from Baguio and away from the bad memories for my sake and for my child’s sake.
I left no clue. Para lang akong nawalang parang bula. I deactivated all sorts of communication I had from the people of Baguio who became my friends and I promised myself I will get better and I can go on without having to rely on my ex kase yung pamilya ko is with me. No regrets. I moved on, although my child was born prematurely and had a lot of complications, dun ako tumibay because countless times I almost lost him.
We made it through.
Until he started to ask if he has a father like mine? Not his lolo-dad or his Tito dads. He is now asking and I am at loss. How will I tell him? That his father doesn’t even know he exists? The dilemma is real and I am now haunted with the horrors of the past I tried so hard to forget.
On top of that, I bumped into one of my classmate noon from Baguio who is now based in Manila, parang sinasadya ng pagkakataon na sa coffee shop magkikita at nawalan ako ng excuse para di patagalin yung usapan. Nagkamustahan until nagtanong siya about my ex. And she just told me details of things I wasn’t prepared to hear of and not really wanted to know of because I don’t see the point in it.
She said, "nung bigla kang nawala, hinanap ka naman niya, umiinom lagi yun after you broke up. Kahit di magsabi, halata din namang ginusto kang balikan pero kase nawalan siya ng guts."
It hurt a bit to hear the rest of her sharing, I will not go into details but based on what she said, it was clear then he didn’t want the break up. My confirmation was this, "Nakainuman namin siya noon after you left and out of his drank state eh nasabi niya na he was given a choice, to finish his studies or be sent to the UK."
He said he’d rather stay and finish school but that meant he cannot see me anymore, he chose to stay at least daw para nakikita pa niya ako kahit di na kame. The girl I saw him with, was introduced by his aunt and during that drinking spree he ranted about how his mothers mindset was, bakit daw ang babaw ng dahilan na ayaw nila sakin dahil hindi ako katulad nila. They were against him being in a relationship kase bata pa kame noon pero mas ayaw daw nila pag ni pa nila kalahi.
May ganon parin pala sa panahon namin noon. Unbelievable or impossible as it may sound it still happens.
Now, how will I tell this to my child? I am lost.
"Mommy? Do I have a dad? Is he away? Does he not want to be with us? Can he come on our family day at school? Can he come on my next birthday?"
What do I do?
How do I tell him he has an unknown child with me?
The story is a bit long but I do need guidance in a moment of my crazed thoughts. ???
Please keep it anonymous as it may be a sensitive matter to tackle. I had kept all my social media accounts private, and have not in a any way added people I know from Baguio, I even went as far as not going to Baguio anymore, for the sake of keeping my child away from possible people who would know who the father is, and all the more I don’t want my ex to hear it from someone else and I feel as though the e is slowly becoming too small and I know I cannot hide this forever but I don’t know how to do it. Unang kita palang sa anak ko obvious na kung sino ang ama, they look so much alike and knowing his family never wanted me in the first place to be a part of their sons life, pano nalang yung bata? I am afraid of him being rejected too.
I’m sorry I’m venting out to you but as you can see very few people in my family knows about his identity and me being the quiet one, I didn’t realize till lately how hard it is to keep it all inside.
Thank you that this has been at least an outlet to let my thoughts, my story be known, a story I have kept with me all these years.
~isturya by mother of the unknown child
The Unknown Child: Part 2
I received a message this morning. I did not know how to react because it seems unreal. My heart almost stopped for a moment because I didn’t know this story would somehow reach him. I will share his message but not everything he said. I had to go through his profile to check kung siya ba talaga and it is really him.
Oras ang binilang ko para kumalma, couldn’t think straight, couldn’t digest it just yet. I thought I’d have more time to be ready for this possibility but I didn’t think it would be this fast and my dad who was watching me like I’m lunatic running up and down the stair case called me out for my behavior.
I sat across him as he asked what’s bothering me at bakit daw para na akong mababaliw. Sa iyak ko dinaan at sinabi ko what I did, what I wrote, if it’s okay, if he’ll get mad, if they’ll permit me to do it and everything else.
This is what my father said, I am sharing it in hopes that people with the same ordeal may find help or comfort just as much as your advices did,
"Una, subukan mong ilagay ang katayuan mo sa ama ng anak mo, ano sa tingin mo ang mararamdaman mo? Pangalawa, subukan mong ilagay ang sitwasyon mo sa anak mo. Ang akin lang anak, maging patas ka. Wag mong ipagdamot ang karapatan nilang dalawa. Si tatay nasa likod mo lang dahil yung suporta lang ang kaya naming ibigay. Ano’t ano man ang kalalabasan, andito lang kami. Bukas ang pintuan natin, yun ang tandaan mo."
Thank you for the enlightenment through your comments and opinions. Attach ko yung message to which I haven’t replied to. In time I will when I fully absorb every bit of the situation.
Again, thank you admin and followers of this page.
Nakakaintindi po ako ng ilocano although hindi po ako ganon ka fluent as my mother hails from Ilocos region.
Posting this may be against his will but I think I owe it to the readers.
~from mother of Unknown Child
The Unknown Child: The Artekdote Update
Due to insistent public demand with regards this saga, here is a little update.
Your words of wisdom and advice are badly needed, dear readers.?
to the sender/mom: you are blessed to have an open minded family who listens...who supports you till the end. Don't waste the effort you put when you wrote your story, and the tears you shed while you were writing it...because right now, all of us care about your situation and thefuture of your child. Paano pag nasa tamang edad na yung bata, at siya na ang kusang maghanap sa mga tanong niyang hindi mo nasagot? That would be a more painful situation for you, the father, and the child.
to the father: Let her gather her thoughts first. Both of you are emotionally in pain right now. We hope that both parties will be able to overcome this tough challenge that you are facing.
My parting words for both parties:
"Panunuten yu jay ubing."
We are all hoping that this story would have a happy ending.
The Unknown Child: Final Chapter
Hi admin, just to give the final update. Hindi na po ako mag eelaborate masyado as it has been strongly advised to keep it away from this page and as understood I may have offended people upon posting the story and I apologize, it was not my intention to insult traditions and so if I may have in some way did, specially the family/relatives of the ones involved, whole heartedly, please do accept my apologies. To clarify po I did not and was not insinuating or implying your family is "matapobre". Wala po akong pangalan or apelyido, or photos na sinama sa pag send ng story which can be confirmed by the admins themselves.
As I write this last update while still ironing things out, I extend my gratitude once again for the support and encouragement through your words. Thank you.
I have not given my number but I did reply eventually nung nakapa ko na yung sarili ko at yung utak ko. Hindi po siya madali but it was worth it after all. I will not go into details, but to somehow lighten things up, I’ll share this screen shot (this time w/ his permission although hesitant ang pag agree niya) and would let the chips fall where they may. It may be awkward, pero unti unti we’re getting there. Kung may ipagpapasalamat ako ng sobra sakanya yun ang hindi niya pagkwestyon sa paternity ng bata whereas in the back of my mind yun ang unang takot ko na itatanggi niya pero hindi nangyari.
I asked indirectly kung may masasagasaan ba ako dahil kailangan ko rin iconsider yung factor na yun at sa sagot naman niya, in all honesty mas nakakagaan ng loob na walang asawa or girlfriend na nasasaktan as the truth unfolds.
Again, thank you very much. I wish you well and your page well. I look forward to all the other stories. ☺️
~final words and screencap from the mother ? The Artekdote
The Now-Known Child: The Father's Story ♥
Pahabol ak man kabsat jai unknown child, Han ku ammo agisturya ngm nagsend ak to publicize my gratitude ta nu han nga gapu ditoy kt awn pulos ti ammok engana tadta. Han ku kalkalen ti nangyari ta nalpasen. Awan maaramidak idjay nga banag ta han ku maisubli ti aldaw kn tawen,, ti ammok lang kt what I can do in the present...
Ni "trese" - isu palayaw na idi, binirok ku isuna di bigla han kn makitkita,.., Binmababa ak nagbirok, nagdmag, ngm gapu ta studyante limited ti resources k. Ammok hn ku naaramid amin nga kabaelak ngm nya ngai ket ubing pai paununot ku idi., Ti ammok kt agpalmes arak ti sakit nakem kn bain ko mtlangen a ta basol k ya.
Jay bespren na ti nangbirok knyak, suna nagisend jay link ditoy, isuna nangibridge tapnu maimessage ku, ti nbaga nalang bsta basaek kanu. Binasak naminadu... inulit ulit k pngcgurado. Han k maxplain ti rikna ngm ti ammok lng han nga mabalin nga awan ti aramidk, Nu mabalin tumayab nga sigud kt inaramid kn ngm ammo yu apu hn nga nalaka para ti adatoi adayo nga agwid ladtan nga sigud. Han nga just just adi... Han mtlang nga just just jay naamwak, engana tadta ksla tagtaginep lang pai. Ni bespren na ksasaok d Han pailang agreply. Adu naamwakun, adu babawi kn dagsen nakem ngm adakmin mt ditoy nga situation, hanen mabalin nga kasjay ladtan...
Han k kwinestyun ta ammok katatao ni trese.,,urai nu ada katkatok na mmingsan ammok nga bagik... awan piman demands na, awan pulos uyaw kn sumbat na. Narigat pra knyam maawatak ngm thank you, thank you adi ta you are the mother ta I wouldn’t have it any other way,,.. sabali ladta gamin nu cka...
Kabagyans kn dagiti kakaksinsin nga mkaammo en Han k mareplayan Amin nga damag yu ngm sapay kuma kt ibalato yu pai daytoi knyak. Maamwan yu tu mtlang amin ngm agurai pai, ammok pgchischismisan u ngm leave her out of it, leave them out of it, urai cyak ladtan.
Daytoi gayam ni trese.. the mother of the now known child, .. anusam pailang tadta ngm ada akun wn, kaya kun, awan ikarit k kenyam ngm kaya kun itakderan ti amin, karkaru tadta..
Iawid kan tu manen jai Baguio, agawid tau nga talo.
~isturya and ? by Father of The Unkown Child
The Now-Known Child: A Continuation
We thought it was the end at the last message of my younger brother however, there was another one sent and I personally would not want that to be,as like in every program, ‘ the closing ceremony’ so let me give you an update before another jumps in and I hope nothing follows after this. Yes, it is not meant to be in public writing for people to feast on and against my better judgement here I am letting you in on the story you have supported from the start.I thank you sincerely for the positivity you have rendered to this day.
I had zero knowledge about the ‘story until my brother decided to come clean about it. I guess he felt the need to spill it out when he couldn’t bottle it all up inside. He remained focused on the ‘how’s’ and ‘what to do’ instead of the ‘whys’. Though it has circulated online it is not out in the open to our parents yet upon my brothers request, it will come from him in his own way when our mother comes for a short visit on July.
They are both taking things slow, they started introduction through a series of baby photos. Trese took time to prepare my nephew and ensure he is ready for an open communication with and about his father. It started with a video call through Skype a little while after she was sure the child is okay with it. The little boy was quiet during the first few minutes and found themselves in an awkward position and it would be like that for the next days until the 5th video call.It was the moment my nephew smiled at his daddy and spoke for the first time with a shy “hello po” and later would hide behind his mamas back and bend over her lap but that was more than enough. My brother is confident that in due time with more effort and patience my nephew will address him “daddy” but it would all be impossible without the support of Trese encouraging the child to show him my brother isn’t a stranger by her sweet voice saying things like “tell daddy what you did today” or “show daddy your drawing”, she set a schedule for their talk time until the child is fully comfortable and we’re all getting there, slowly but nevertheless surely. She never, not once showed any sort of resentment and I would like to applaud the way she is handling things from her end.I admire her as a woman, as a parent and as a person in general and I now see why my ading never committed himself to any relationship for the longest time because Trese is a great example of someone who is beautiful on the outside and even more on the inside.
There was a night I found myself in a deep conversation with him after he had a few shots of Darnleys gin. Here is a tad bit of it,
ME: You’re a father na, and this time it’s for real. (Unbeknownst to you guys, he was once blamed for allegedly impregnating someone he dated for a few months but turned out to be a proven false accusation)
BRO: Not yet, I have to earn that and for now I don’t deserve it. I have to prove myself worthy to be called one.
We spoke of the mutual agreements they are progressively discussing and his will to fulfill his obligations. I am proud of him for this and I will support his decisions as it is the only thing I can do for him. As our conversation proceeded I teased him to lighten up the mood.
ME: She’s single diba? Baka you have hidden feelings pay ngay ket you try ah to woo her again. Malay mo ngay.
The eyes will never lie even if we try to mask it with a smile. - Our grandparents would always say and I remembered this seeing his reaction when I asked.
BRO: Nang, naladaw ak san ya. Kasla inser-ra na dalan en pasubli. Ada long term suitor na, han na pay sinagot ngem di dinamag ku nu ada pag asa na ket “medyo” kanu and han met nga jay nag gayeman mi kanu ti purpose jay surat. Jay ubing laeng. Kasjay nga talaga siguro ken ti importante nagpinaka-wan kamin.
There is no room for denial that he is still coping with guilt and he may not be perfect but by all means he is trying his level best to be a better person for his child.
Matters of their hearts is out of our control but who knows what tomorrow could bring? Who knows what the future holds? It’s too early to conclude for now but there’s always hope. He has hope just as much as he hoped for years that he will see her again and that is,I guess, what we can all hold on to.
*(a message to Trese's online bashers)
If permitted, may I take this chance to address something. The right way is to send these people replies one by one but we don’t have the time and the energy to respond so I will take this responsibility to answer through this correspondence, you know yourselves and I am asking you with all due respect to stop your involvement whether with good or bad intentions. Trese has sent a few of her filtered messages to my brother and I asked for copies of it when he was clearly beyond pissed after going through it.I have sent my apologies to Trese and her family on behalf of them with such great shame.
I have seen my nephews baby photos through his growing years shared by Trese, I will no doubt question his paternity because the child looks exactly like my brother when he was the same age so no one has the right to question that.You don’t have the right to demand nor ask for anything from Trese. You are not in position to send her a message and you are not in place to meddle. It is disappointing and very disrespectful of you. I also read all the messages you have sent my brother and he chose to ignore them but I am not going to allow it anymore. Please have the heart to stay off of it and I hope you understand that it is not helping in any way and you are instilling unfavorable fear on Trese that you will never comprehend so please leave them alone. I’m sure there are better things for you to do in life.
Lastly, there is no need to worry about our folks as they in time have changed too along with their mindset. I married a man who is originally from Cagayan and there was no objections from their side and I can definitely guarantee they will love my nephew and will always welcome them both without hesitations.
For the ‘watwat and fairytale like endings we are aiming for, I am with you on this because I too desire a complete family for every child, who doesn’t wish the same, right? But it’s a long road ahead, when it comes and if it comes I’ll be the first person to let you know although that may take awhile. For now it’s safe to say they are once again getting to know each other with more wisdom and maturity and whatever the outcome may be, my nephew will always bind their connection and that is something no one and nothing can ever take away.
Michael Buble - Home.
This song is on repeat for him.
If all goes in sync with his plans, he will go home soon. Ag sabay da tun nga ag subli ken ni mama.
~isturya by "Manang Pam"